I’m not hot stuff at ALL!
It seems that my nervous breakdown has left some lasting changes in my life – but not in the way I expected.
Have you heard of those people who wake up from a coma and can fluently speak a foreign language that they couldn’t understand more than a few words of before?
Or those people who have an organ transplant to find out soon after that they possess incredible talents they never had before, like being able to play the piano or paint beautifully?
Well, something similar (ish) happened to me after my nervous breakdown.
Okay, it’s not on anywhere near such an extreme level. Actually, it’s nothing like the above but it’s something that has changed significantly in my life overnight – and it’s been both an amusing and puzzling thing to go through.
From the moment I had my nervous breakdown I switched from hating warm weather to loving it.
I know – groundbreaking isn’t it?!
In all seriousness it has been an extremely weird experience for me.
Anyone who knows me knows that for almost half a century I’ve cheered as winter’s commenced because I feel so much more at home in cold weather than in hot weather. I love wrapping up in big coats and bobble hats. I love feeling the cold nipping at my cheeks. I love not sweating with every movement. I love going out into cold, crisp air and watching my breath. I prefer to lean up against a refrigerator than a radiator. I resent the heat that radiators give out because it makes me feel all stuffy and caged. I find winter clothes far more attractive than summer clothes. I tend to visit cold countries rather than hot countries; my idea of hell would be a holiday in the sun. I don’t own a pair of socks (except hiking ones) because I cannot bear to have hot feet.
I love all things cold, basically.
Except for ice in a drink – for some reason I cannot stand ice in a drink. Not because it’s cold though. I resent the way it dilutes things. Anyhow, getting off subject here …
Summer has always been torture for me, even when I was young, slim and fit. I went through a brief stage of enjoying it in my teens and early 20’s but since then I’ve loathed it. I’ve hidden away from the outside world in summer and it’s been a really depressing time of the year for me. I would say it’s because of being overweight and not wanting to be seen – but I’m still as big as ever and this year has been completely different for me.
This year was one of the warmest, loveliest summers on record in the UK and I lapped up every moment. I couldn’t get enough of it. It’s come as a total surprise. It’s such an extreme about-turn in my life that it’s left me totally stumped.
But why has it happened?
The only thing I can put it down to is that it’s all to do with healing; warmth is known to heal, sunlight is known to heal and my body and mind are obviously desperate to welcome all the healing help they can. My brain knows what it needs and it seems to be guiding me to deliver what it needs.
Sunlight boosts the body’s supply of vitamin D, which plays a role in regulating the immune system; it also increases levels of serotonin in the brain, which plays a role in brightening our mood. Obviously it’s waaaaaaay more complicated than this but these two things alone might explain why, after suffering the devastating effects of a nervous breakdown, my brain has decided I need to get out and relax in the warmth of the sun a bit more.
So, while I’m not going to squeeze into a bikini anytime soon, or frolic on a beach alongside hardcore sunbathers, I am going to go with the flow and welcome summer into my life each year instead of hiding away from it. I absolutely love and appreciate what it’s done for my body and mind this year.
I still love the idea of icicles hanging off my eyelashes though. That’ll never change!
Or will it?